I was at the University of Tulsa today (my alma mater) and the whole experience was rather disturbing. I was totally shocked and unprepared for the number of changes made around the campus.
I graduated with my Bachelor's in May of 2000. That was EIGHT years ago!
Strike that.
Eight SHORT years ago. That was my home for four years and it's so different that I hardly recognize it anymore. I'm not talking about a few new bushes here and there! I'm talking about whole blocks worth of buildings ripped out!
I lived with my brother for almost three of those years and none of the places that we lived are there anymore. All of those apartments were demolished and some new and modern apartments are in it's place. What really caught me in a lurch is that the apartment that Jason proposed to me in is no longer there. I wish I had gotten a picture of that place.
It's all so totally foreign to me now. Jason and I met on that campus, and courted on that campus. But it's not THAT place anymore. Even the football field is different! I remember learning our drills on that field. The turf and the surrounding concrete structures turned a 95-100 degree day into 120 degrees on the field. Nothing was better than finally making it home after two hours on the field, than a cold Mountain Dew. That's a weird memory, I know, but it's true!
Can you still remember what that feeling was when you and your parents pulled into the dorm parking lot, unloaded you bags-containing your short lifetime's worth of memories-into a shoebox of a room and left you there?! It felt like a totally foreign land. I remember feeling that I'll never remember where all my classes are. I'll never find the rooms in these huge buildings. But after a few weeks... it's home. What once was foreign is now your home. Your place. Where you belong. And that dorm room where you now live is probably smaller than what an inmate lives in, but you can feel the freedom just dripping from it's walls.
And in eight short years, it's foreign territory again. You look at all these young faces walking around your past home, not knowing any of them. And I'm sorry... they look like children! Surely I didn't look that young in college, did I? I remember being appalled when a girl was in my drawing class, in my Junior year, and she was born in 1980! Gasp!
Tell me, because I want to know. When, exactly, did I get old? I'm only (whisper) thirty. But it seems like a lifetime ago that I was dropped off at college, met Jason, dated Jason, played in a University band, got married, and lived for three years without children. As I was walking on campus, I could remember all to well going to class, with a portfolio with all my art supplies in one huge bag on one shoulder, and a trombone case on another, and I blended in. I was part of that campus. Today, I'm walking on campus with a four year old and a one year old, and I might as well have been on the moon! It's the strangest thing seeing these "kids" on campus or being with them in the church group and my heart tells me that I'm one of their peers, and my head is saying, "You're like 15 years older than them! Ben's as close in age to them as your are!" The weirdest part of it is seeing them look at me like I'm their mother. Eww... It seems like I've fallen into a rabbit hole or something where my life keeps on going, but I still feel like that 18 year old girl.
The flip side of this is, that I look at them, and think, in a few short years they will be in my shoes saying, "Where did the time go? Wasn't I just there?!" And for that quick second I want to laugh at the bewilderment that they will feel, because that strange land is now my home. But then I remember that we won't ever be in the same place. I'll get older as they will.
Where did the time go?
Our Honeymoon in Cancun
4 comments:
I'm trying to see if this will work this time.I hope you got the e-mail telling how much I enjoyed your writing. Love, A. Nelda
It was just as hard for me to go back too! I work by there now, and go occasionally go to that Arby's and that Taco Bueno that you and I used to go to when we were skipping class. Those were good times, and then to see them tore down and replaced... brings a tear to your eye. I hope when Wyatt goes there (ha ha) he'll let his ol' mom come and relive the "good ole days" with him. What I wouldn't give to go back up in the 2nd floor and smell the ink from the print room again.
Hope you all are doing well. Love you to all! Brean
It is just the beginning of many more flashbacks that will make you feel old. And to answer your question - yes you were young. It was very hard to unpack the car and leave you there!
So nostalgic! I love it!
I know when I think back on high school and college it seems like it was a lifetime ago. I guess it was in a way, b/c it is so true that having kids changes you. I really don't know what I did with much of my time in those 2 years after college and before Rebekah, but I remember thinking I was busy then. Ha!
But I do always wonder if I feel this old now, what am I going to feel like when I'm my parents or grandparents age? Yikes!
Post a Comment